


One Electric Thrill

by lilyhaze



Category: Ocean's 8 (2018)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2019-12-18 11:47:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18249209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilyhaze/pseuds/lilyhaze
Summary: A young woman with a complicated past becomes tangled up with Debbie and Lou after she is recruited by Debbie to join in on one of their criminal endeavours. She's especially drawn to Lou whom she confides with after the three of them share an intimate night. The only problem is that she doesn't feel the same way about Debbie, and admitting what she does want has never been an easy task for her.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The original character, Jessamine, is built off of information that I gave the original writer of this story (@melrosie). My fan-cast is Krystal Jung or sometimes Sydney Park. POC although i know I want her to be Asian. No specifics. Imagine her how you will. This is your story as much as it is mine. 
> 
> This oc also has a history of sexual abuse which is implied throughout the story, so if that could be upsetting to you please consider exiting this fic. 
> 
> Being that this was a personalized request, it may be different from my typical characterizations of Debbie and Lou, nevertheless I hope you enjoy this! - @melrosie

Getting here was a series of events that Jessamine could not have expected. Had anyone asked her if she could’ve pictured herself in an intimate encounter with two beautiful women at the same time, she might have laughed out loud with incredulity.

Touch is important in her work. She has to touch her clients to adjust their form. She has to touch her clients to keep them balanced. She has to touch her clients to help them through complex stretches. Touch is important to her work. But she has always been the one doing the touching, and she likes it that way. She likes having that control.

No one has made her feel comfortable enough to let go of that control.

And perhaps she still clings to a few threads of control, but she’s given them something she hasn’t ever given anyone else.

It’s a tizzy they find themselves in. She, Jessamine, twenty-four and a recent Health Sciences graduate and Personal Trainer, riding the high, the thrill of a criminal endeavor that would surely pay down her university student loans, or at least lessen the burden considerably. She isn’t alone of course, she is with Deborah Ocean and Lou Miller, the women who brought her into this life of criminality.

But she wouldn’t go back. Not at all.

It felt good to take back from the kinds of men that had taken and taken and taken from her. The men that had hurt her, and the men that continue to objectify her. “Call it reparations.” Debbie had joked once, before the first job. “We have interest rates on being treated like people.”

“Gotta pay up eventually.”

That last line, she can’t quite remember who said it. The voice gets muddled in her memory— had it been her? Or had it been Lou?

She remembers the conversation after, because Lou brought up how often Jess’s client stared at her ass while they completed their session. Debbie had mocked the man’s gaze but she and Lou had both agreed, “Of course your ass is amazing, sweetie, but he had his head up his own.”

Maybe Jess hadn’t imagined the glances she got from both of them, these two intense and beautiful women— it was impossible not to admire them, or even get a little crush. It was hard not to get a little crush, especially on Lou. She did like the attention and praise she got from Debbie, but Lou’s attitude and poise… little impressed smiles, they did so much more for her.

But of course the thought of acting on it made her dizzy— Jess would never make such a move. Besides, they were clearly together…

But that doesn’t stop Debbie from kissing her. While they’re all coming down from the high of the job. She hesitates, but when gaze falls in line with Lou’s— a piercing blue to her dark brown, and she knows deeply from that sustained look that all of this is okay.

They know she’s inexperienced, they’d listened to her mumble off an excuse over drinks once, and she’d allowed only a few follow up questions before changing the subject.

And so Jess touches. Touches two women of intense natures in incredibly different ways. They ask her questions, wait for her nods, check in on her, wait for her “yes”, adjust to her “no”... they make everything so much more right than it ever has been.

Jessamine had said yes so much more than she ever thought she would. Baring more skin than she ever willingly had before. Letting herself be touched, not just by hands but by mouths. And she’s touching in return, with hands and lips and tongue.

With Lou’s guiding hand she helps bring Debbie over with shy fingers. And Lou and Debbie do the same for her, once, and then twice, and then a third time— which by then has her quivering and aching in ways she never thought she’d enjoy. But she does enjoy it. She liked kissing Debbie Ocean and feeling her caress her sides. She felt an electric thrill when Lou Miller murmured her name and left crescent moon nail marks in her shoulder when Jess felt bold enough to help her over with only Debbie’s soft encouragements as an aid.

It’s sex, an unexpected exchange, but she liked it and she never expected to. Never expected to at all.

Until she doesn’t.

Until Jessamine is left alone on the warm bed when Debbie goes to shower and Lou joins her just to freshen up but promised to be right back.

Right then she doesn’t like it. Being naked. Being alone with her thoughts.

The memories crawl back in through the cracks and suddenly she doesn’t feel warm anymore, she feels ice cold.

Like _he’s_ gripping her throat all over again, she can’t breathe until she’s forced herself back into her underwear and her socks and her hoodie.

Jessamine rifles through her bag and finds her travel hair brush and rakes it through her hair, needing to feel neat again. She drinks some water and when that doesn’t quite calm the ugly feeling in her gut she goes over to the balcony door and steps outside, not careful enough— it shuts just a little too loudly and a little too hard.

Just when Lou steps back out of the washroom.

Jessamine takes a seat on the floor of the balcony, cross legged and as close to the plate glass balustrade as she can get, leading her forehead against it. She stares out at the city in darkness, lit up like fairy lights, and hardly calmed by the beautiful sight.

The floor is cold under her ass, which happens to have been a delightful kind of sore only moments earlier, and while that feeling hasn’t changed, an ugly association has crawled into the forefront of her mind. An intruder in an otherwise blissful experience.

The balcony door opens behind her, but Jessamine doesn’t move.

“Nice view huh?” Lou asks, and steps over in bare feet to sit on the cushioned bench a few feet away. She’s wearing a loose shirt and some form fitting boxers.

“Are you alright, Jessamine?”

“No.”

“Can I do anything?”

“I don’t know.”

Jess can spot some cars down below, blinking by in traffic. Blink, blink, blink— red and orange and white lights.

Her voice is softer now. “Hey… this wasn’t just fun and games, I want you to know that.”

Jessamine finally looks at her, sees the sincerity in her gaze. She nods. “This isn’t about you. Or the…” she shrugs… “I don’t have the words right now.”

“That’s alright.” Lou shifts her position. “Will you come closer? My legs are cold.”

Jess manages a laugh, and scoots over leaning against Lou’s legs while still gazing out at the lights— their beauty isn’t as marred now.

Debbie joins them a few minutes later with blankets in hand, giving one to Jessamine and one to Lou, which they share. Debbie ends up curled up next to Lou on the cushioned bench, half asleep. And while the malaise in her body hasn’t wholly disappeared, Jessamine finds it incredibly comforting when Lou’s fingers slip into her hair and begin a slow and steady massage.

They go back inside a while later, and by then Jess is half asleep. She wouldn’t have said anything one way or another but Lou sets her up on the couch, while she and Debbie go back to the bed. Jessamine sleeps like a rock, and she’s grateful for it.

 

-

 

Days go by. Things are different. Debbie and Lou are sweeter with her, but it’s a subtle kind of sweetness, and she mostly notices it when no one else is around.

A little squeeze to her elbow when Debbie passes by while they’re working, a lock of her hair brushed out of her face by Lou while they talk, little things that feel like monumental things. Little actions that make her feel electric when she’s alone with Lou, without the blonde even having to do a single thing to earn it.

Jessamine doesn’t initiate anything further with either of them, but she can tell they’re both women who know how to read a room. Or at least, they know how to read her. She’s very bad at hiding the body-language of attraction that has bled into her posture around Lou.

Something’s different about how she reacts to Debbie. It’s almost all to do with the attention and praise Debbie gives her, and hardly a thing about the woman herself, who is objectively beautiful and intense, but whose presence does not ignite something in her the way Lou’s does.

Jess stays with Lou one night at the club while Debbie is doing some work, the music is loud and they stay in her upper office with the window open and the team watering down vodka in the other room.

Jessamine can’t help but associate Lou’s movements to that of a wild cat— an intimidating grace, an effortless elegance. Just like a lioness. And Lou catches her watching, gives her an amused smile and walks over to her.

“You know… you have this _look_ on your face…” Lou muses, setting her drink down on the table nearby and stepping close enough that Jess can smell the cologne Lou wears. Lou cants her head to one side, reading Jessamine’s face, a gaze that hasn’t looked away from Lou’s. “I quite like that look, it says so much but you say so little.”

It isn’t a challenge, it isn’t an invitation. But it wouldn’t be a rejection either. Jessamine simply doesn’t initiate.

So when Lou kisses her, Jess gives a little groan and that alone surprises her, because she’s always passively accepted what she’s given. She takes Lou’s arm, curling her fingers into the sleeve of the blonde’s jacket, and lets herself enjoy the contact, and feel the way her heart begins to race in her chest.

But anxiety and excitement are the same signals in the nervous system, and her brain has never liked to be excited about being touched. It’s always been anxious. And so anxious it becomes— a series of too quick breaths, a tremor up her spine, and feeling cold cold cold.

“Jessamine.” And then Lou isn’t kissing her anymore. “Jess.” Her face is cupped between Lou’s hands, and there are tears on her cheeks that Lou is brushing away. “Hey… take a deep breath for me.”

Her chest feels tight, but she manages it, and she practically melts when she hears the words “good girl” slip from Lou Miller’s tongue. It’s a mouth she’s wanted to kiss again quite badly, but that wasn’t something she was okay with letting herself want, let alone asking for it.

“What’s the matter?” Lou asks, lowering her hands. One lingers on Jessamine’s shoulder, and Jess takes it, holding their clasped hands at diaphragm level, fighting with the ugly feeling in her belly.

“That night.” Jess manages. “I hadn’t done that before.”

“A threesome?” Lou asks, it’s gentle and kind.

Jess shakes her head. “Any kind of…” she swallows. She can’t finish the sentence.

“You were a virgin.”

“Technically.” Jess mutters.

“I knew you were inexperienced but I—” Lou stops. “What do you mean by ‘ _technically’_ , Jessamine?” There’s an edge of seriousness in her tone that Jess is surprised by, because it isn’t directed at her.

Jess opens her mouth, but she doesn’t have any words ready. She closes her mouth.

“How do _you_ define virgin?” Jessamine asks instead.

Lou gives her a soft expression. “When you haven’t had sex yet. With someone you actively want to have sex with.”

Jessamine makes a face. “I… there was… a man in my life… when I was seventeen… until I was about nineteen.”

“Did he hurt you, Jess?”

She nods. “I don’t… haven’t— uh… really known how to _want_ anyone. It still feels ugly, uh… like the…” she waves her free hand around trying to figure out the words. “ … the disconnect— not knowing what I want,  and what my body is reacting to…”

“You don’t have to explain it.” Lou squeezes her hand.

“I wanna try,” Jess replies, taking a slow and thoughtful breath. “ … He’d tell me I wanted it, tell me how he knew because of how my body reacted to him even if I was saying something else.” She shrugs.

“The other night…” Lou says.

Jess interrupts. “I wanted that! That was good, that was really good!” She takes another deep breath. “I… you… Debbie… uh— you did _everything_ right. The thoughts though, I… I still— I still can’t shake the thoughts. And it’s really hard ‘cause I still want you— both?— you… I still want _you_ … I just want— uh… haven’t been able to feel confident enough to— to act on wanting you.”

Lou is quiet for a few long seconds after Jessamine stops talking.

“So you want me to kiss you again, Jess?” Lou asks with a raised brow, a half amused look on her face.

Jessamine grins, laughter escaping her chest. “Yes.”

“Do you wanna try telling me that?” She meets Jess’s gaze.

Jessamine takes a deep breaths. “I want you to kiss me, Lou.”

So Lou leans in and kisses her, much tamer this time, and slower, but no less intense. Jess gives a low hum and parts her lips letting Lou deepen the kiss. Their hands stay clasped by Jess’s diaphragm and don’t move.

Lou is the one to break the kiss, and gives a breath of a laugh.

“Alright?” She asks.

“Yes.” Jess replies. She drops their hands. “Would you… keep this between us for now, please?”

“Sure. You want to tell Debbie in your own time?”

“Yeah. I… understand you and she are together… we’re sharing… I just… the other night… it was just _a lot_ … I dunno how soon I’m going to be okay with— with sex again. But, other things…” she shrugs.

“You’re definitely not just here because of sex.” Lou assures. “You’re a valuable part of our current undertakings.”

“Of course I am.” Jess smiles.

 

-

 

She had intended to have that conversation with Debbie, she had. But as is her tendency, Jess had avoided it. If the circumstances never arose, then why would she need to speak with her about it?

Of course moments of affection still occurred, but Lou was almost always there and she almost always liked having both women give her attention, but separately it was not the same. She didn’t want Debbie the way she wanted Lou, didn’t feel drawn to her, didn’t feel that extra level of safety around her.

She feels admiration, and nervousness— the desire to impress her. A valuable mentor, someone she feels proud to work with. Just not quite to be intimate with. At least not one-on-one.

It would have happened eventually, wouldn’t it? Ten days is the best she’s going to get. Jess can read them too, when they let her— Debbie is a steel wall when she wants to be but she takes that down when it’s just them. She’s just as in love with Lou Miller as Jess is infatuated. Lou is a magnet, a magnificence, so maybe Debbie would understand if she explained.

“You liked working with Lou, huh?” Debbie asks leaning on the edge of the table next to Jessamine.

“I like the atmosphere of the club— she— Lou is brilliant,” Jess admits.

“I’m glad you’re getting comfortable, Lou’s been thinking about taking you on at the club— since our jobs are so few and far between.” Debbie lifts a hand and strokes Jess’s hair, half guiding Jess to look at her. “I’ve missed your pretty mug though.”

Jess gives a nervous smile. “You’ve been so busy.”

Debbie gives a little hum. “Yeah, and you’ve gotten all of Lou’s attention lately. I wouldn’t want you to think I’m neglecting you.”

“No— of course not.” Jess turns to face her, just a little too close, and it’s as close as she’d stood with Lou days earlier when they’d kissed. But it isn’t Lou kissing her now, it’s Debbie.

Lou said she’d be arriving to go over their next job, she would be here any minute. It thrills Jess just a little to imagine Lou walking in on them, to imagine her joining them, taking a turn with her.

Kissing Debbie isn’t bad. It isn’t bad. She’s soft and firm in the loveliest of ways, but Jess finds herself accepting it more than reciprocating it, and when she accepts things the malaise likes to trickle back in and no potential of Lou coming in makes that better.

But then Debbie touches her— and _it isn’t her fault it isn’t her fault,_ because Jess never told her— never spoke up— it isn’t her fault that Debbie touches her in a way that _he_ used to touch her.

A touch that sends a spike of panic through her system and has her recoiling as if she’d been stuck with a knife.

“Stop— Stop!” It’s too loud and too sharp, Debbie doesn’t deserve that. She lurches a few steps away, with her back to Debbie, complexion pale and breath coming in too fast. Debbie doesn’t deserve any of this but anger and disgust are convening on Jess like maggots and rot.

Debbie says something reassuring, but Jess can’t hear it right, only feels her hand on her shoulder and feels herself move away too quickly.

“Don’t touch me.” The panic almost hides how mean her tone is, it’s taking all her will to breathe, let alone check her tone— because the tone isn’t for Debbie, but she’s reeling and feels so cold cold cold that she feels white hot.

“Jess— c’mon, is there anything I can do? Please talk to me?”

Jess is trembling now, and breathing too hard.She turns around and looks at Debbie and feels more resentment build up in her.

“You fucked me one time, Debbie! That doesn’t magically unlock all my history to you! I’m not some information puzzle you get to crack.”

Debbie looks at her shocked and confused. “Jess— that’s, that’s not what I meant. You’re— you’re upset I want to help.”

“I don’t want you— I don’t want you to help!”

Debbie looks behind her, and Jess turns, tears marring her cheeks, to see Lou in the doorway with a severe frown on her face.

Jessamine bursts into tears and Lou steps over to her, cupping her face between her hands, and stroking her hair. Jess clings to Lou’s shirt as she speaks low and calmly to her.

“I need you to breathe, Jess. A nice big breath.”

It takes four tries before it works, and even still the shaking doesn’t quite let up.

“What brought this on?” Lou asks.

Jessamine feels a mix of guilt and anger in her stomach and bites at the inside of her cheek. “She touched me… but like he did.”

Lou’s face screws up in a frown, and she murmurs back. “Did you get to tell her about it?”

Jess shakes her head, mouth set stubbornly. She looks back at Debbie who is looking at Lou, an expression of confusion and hurt on her face. When Jess looks back at Lou she sees something more complex than she truly understands. Uncertainty, guilt, another breed of confusion, but mostly something shared between she and Debbie that she and Lou would never have.

“I can’t— I can’t do this.” Jess bites out.

“What?” Lou asks, taking her hands away from Jess.

“I— I  know you said I wasn’t a game to you, but I don’t want to play, I don’t— I don’t _want_ both of you.”

Lou’s face falls a little, she stands a little more stiffly.

Jess can’t bring herself to look at Debbie now. “I am _so_ grateful to have worked with you, and I am so lucky to have shared such a wonderful night with you but— but I can’t— _we_ — I can’t share. It won’t work. ‘Cause I don’t want… I only— I _just_ want Lou.”

It’s quiet between the three of them, save for Jess’s heavy breathing— still working to maintain its evenness.

Debbie clears her throat. “Jessamine…”

“I’m gonna go.” She interrupts, rushing past Lou toward the door.

“Jess, wait!” Lou grabs her by the arm, stepping into the hall with her.

“Let me go.” Jess pleads.

“I don’t want you to go,” Lou says earnestly, and Jess almost feels like she could cry all over again. “Take the job at my club.”

“ _I have a job_ — I still have personal training clients.”

Lou nods. “I know. And you’re very good at it. We— I wasn’t fooling around when I said how valuable you are to our undertakings. Can you please give me some time to talk to Debbie?” She loosens her hold on Jess’s arm, sliding it downward until she’s holding her hand.

“You can tell her about our talk, okay? I want her to understand.” The idea makes her feel a little sick but even Jess can admit the transparency is better. She hadn’t given Lou the gritty details of her past anyway. Even if it had been hard to trust Lou with the safely vague explanation.

“Sure.”

“I’m still going now. I won’t block your number or anything.”

“Okay. I’ll talk to you soon.”

Jess just nods. She meets the bottom of the stairs and just makes it to the front door. She hears Lou speak but can’t make out the words until she pauses, hesitating with her hand on the knob. She only hears Debbie’s words now.

“What the fuck is going on, Lou?”

Jess leaves before she can hear anything else.


	2. One Punch One Less

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While scoping out a club for a new job, Lou overhears a man's vile comments that unmistakably link him to Jess's past. In an impulsive display of retribution, Lou kills their chance of using that club by making a scene and injures her hand. Debbie gives her an ear full about not fighting other people's monsters and Lou reluctantly agrees that Jess is an important part of their team and telling her about the incident would be a distraction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short follow-up, in the same universe as the previous installment, written by Runi (ao3 melrosie).
> 
> You can find Runi on tumblr @ TALLDYKE

Radiating jolts of pain extend from below the last three fingers on Lou Miller’s right hand. Her hand is broken, she’s certain. Debbie is giving her an earful and it’s the only thing grounding her enough to keep her out of a black hole of ugly memories and conflicted emotions.

“We won’t be able to show our faces in there for at least three months, Lou!” 

 

 

They’d been scoping the place out for a job, to determine if the establishment met all the requirements they needed. Two older men seated only a few feet away at the bar were being mouthy and handsy with the waitresses, making vile comments. 

Something one man had said had caught Lou’s attention. Something he’d  _ bragged  _ about had made her skin crawl and her hackles rise. Several dots had connected in an instant and made her feel something close to hatred. 

“Lou?” Debbie had noticed it just seconds too late because Lou had shot out of her seat, Australian accent thick and angry as her fist connected with his face.

“Fuckin’ tall poppies think you can just spew that shonky conversation !— ” 

He’d keeled right over, and taken waitress with a tray of drinks down with him. Lou had retreated just as quickly as she’d advanced clutching her hand and cussing. 

Debbie had hauled the waitress away from the belligerent man and Lou had shucked four crisp hundred-dollar bills out of her wallet and handed them to the shocked woman. 

“That psycho cunt punched me!” He’d screamed, and Debbie has taken Lou’s arm and guided them out of the club without looking back.

 

 

They’d gone straight upstairs to their living quarters, ignoring the women who had already arrived. They wouldn’t be overheard from below.

Debbie let the door slam shut behind them and Lou had shed her jacket and turned on the cold water, sticking her hand under it as Debbie continued to yell at her.

“That was so fucking reckless, Lou! You can’t just go punching every random asshole you come across—”

“He wasn’t random!” Lou finally shouts. She lowers her voice. “He’s the one that hurt Jess.”

“How could you possibly know that?” 

“I heard him— he said her whole name, he was  _ bragging _ .” 

Debbie doesn’t say anything for a long moment.

“Can I get you anything?” Debbie asks.

“No.” Lou gets an ice pack out of the freezer and wraps it in a dish towel, holding it over her swollen and bruised hand. When she looks back at Debbie’s expectant gaze she reconsiders. “Just the black brace… in one of the medical boxes in the big closet— and the pouch labelled ‘finger splints’.”

 

 

She’s gone and returns in a matter of minutes, and while Lou is alone she calms down, deflatedly icing her hand at the kitchen table.

“Here.” Debbie drops the brace in front of Lou and slides the pouch over to her. 

Lou tugs on the brace— essentially a glove— with a slight grunt and adjusts it at the wrist, then one-handedly unzips the pouch, rifling through it. She fits three jewelry-like metal splints onto her pinky, ring and middle fingers, limiting their range of motion. She sighs and lays her hand, with the ice pack on top of it, back onto the table. 

Lou glances up at Debbie, whose raised-brow expression has Lou giving an angry huff. 

“Yes, this is the same stuff I used when I put my hand through that window ten years ago.” 

Debbie shakes her head exasperatedly and takes a deep breath.

“We  _ just _ got Jess comfortable being around us both again, Lou.” 

“Being around me was never the problem…”

“Right—  and you’re making this so easy! We can’t use that club now! It was one of my top three choices for this job.”

“He had it coming—”

“You’re _projecting_.” 

Lou gives her a wounded look.

“We can hurt him where it hurts the most, Lou, but it has to be on  _ her _ terms. It has to be her choice. You can’t make it for her, it’s her monster.” 

Lou hesitates. “Like Claude was yours.” 

Debbie nods. “Like your now-terminally ill mother is yours. Don’t get her and that ‘derro’ crossed.” 

Lou breathes a laugh, shaking her head. 

“You really think Jess meeting the others will be good for her?”

“I know a new job and working with a team will refocus her.” 

Lou runs her good hand over her messy hair. 

“Refocus her off of  _ us, _ you mean.”

“Right.” 

Lou shakes her head. “I’m sorry about the club.” 

“We’ve got two more,” Debbie says dismissively. “Are you ready to make some introductions?”

Lou stands, taking the ice pack with her. “Let’s keep this between us,  _ for now _ .”

“For now,” Debbie agrees, heading to the door. “Wouldn’t want to distract Jess.”

“No distractions,” Lou acknowledges, unconvinced.   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, your comments are always appreciated!


	3. Ocean's 8 Plus One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jess finds work at a diner, but it isn't long until Lou finds her again. They have an important conversation, and Lou is able to convince her to join her and Debbie for another job, along with the women from the Met heist. Debbie makes some introductions, and Nineball and Jess are set up to work together closely on Debbie's new proposed job.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written by Runi (ao3 melrosie) 
> 
> You can find Runi on tumblr at @ TALLDYKE

The new job Jessamine picks up is not nearly as glamorous as what she was doing. Three days a week she cleaned tables and washed counters, mopped floors and manned the cash.

It’s been nineteen days since she blew up at Debbie Ocean and stormed out on her and Lou. She’d been counting in spite of herself. The white-board calendar in the employee office caught her eye every time she passed it. 

Neither Lou nor Debbie had tried to contact her since she left. The fact that not even Lou had reached out had stung a little. 

Perhaps she’d set expectations in the wrong place, because on the twenty-first day, while on her break, she finds Lou at the picnic table in the shade of a sad looking tree across the parking lot from the diner.

“Do you have me under surveillance?” Jessamine asks, sitting down with her lunch. 

Lou looks at her, and Jess thinks she might see disappointment in her gaze. 

“You weren’t really hiding.” Despite the simplicity of her outfit, she still looks stunning and Jess finds it hard not to let her gaze wander. “I didn’t want to interrupt any of your personal training sessions, so I thought I’d come talk to you here.” 

“Fine. What do you want?” Jess takes a big mouthful of food.

“You shouldn’t be working here, Jess.” 

Jess looks at her sharply. “Why?”

“You’re talented, it’s wasted here.” She’s almost pleading.

Jess glares at her food for a moment, taking the time to chew and swallow. 

“I was a game for you and Debbie—”

“I  _ said _ you weren’t!” 

Jess brings her glare up to Lou. “It’s not that simple, is it? I can’t even have you. The first woman I care about— the first time since… since  _ him _ I let myself be that vulnerable— and I’m just plaything for you and Debbie.” 

“You’re not  _ just  _ anything, Jess,” Lou says earnestly.

“I can’t have  _ just you _ . I only want you.” 

“I’m sorry about that, but the sex was secondary. The work is where you are invaluable.” Jess can hear regret in Lou’s voice, but she can’t put it into context. Regret that she won’t get to fuck her again? Regret that Jess is uncomfortable being shared? It is disorienting to think about, so she stabs at another piece of chicken and eats it. 

“Have you thought about why you want me?” Lou asks.

Jess frowns. “What do you mean,  _ why _ ?” 

Lou hesitates, running her fingers through her hair. “I’m not much younger than  _ he  _ was, Jess. Our age-gap is not much smaller.”

“That’s not the same thing!” she argues. “I am twenty-four, Lou! He got to me when I was seventeen.” 

Lou holds up a hand. “I get that, and in most cases, I would be fine with it— but hear me out. You haven’t been with anyone since you cut him off… and the next person you have feelings for is… twenty years your senior?” 

“It’s not the same thing. You’re not him, you’re— you were so kind and thoughtful and generous—”

“Just think about it.” 

Jess sighs. “What are you trying to tell me?” 

“Patterns. Coping. Mirroring elements associated with trauma.” 

“I don’t understand.”

Lou swallows hard, fidgeting with her phone. “My mother beat the shit out of me when I was a kid and would get blackout drunk afterwards.” 

Jess grimaces. 

“The worst four years of my life I had a major drinking problem, and I got myself out of it because I realized I was mirroring what she did.” 

“Lou…”

“I’m good now, but I don’t think  _ we _ are good for  _ you _ .”

“Don’t compare yourself to him.”

“I’m not. I’m really honoured you allowed yourself to be vulnerable with me— I wish things could have been different.” 

Jess shakes her head. “Is that all you came here to tell me?”

“We want you to come back.” 

Jess gives her a look. “I can’t— around her— the emotions are too ugly.”

“It’s purely professional. She’s not angry. We have a job, and we want to introduce you to the others.” 

“Others?” 

Lou nods. “The women from our last big job. You’ll never have to set foot in a diner for the rest of your life, Jess. You’ll never have to talk to me ever again if you help us with this job.” 

“Not wanting to talk to you was never the problem.” 

 

—-

 

“What happened to you?” Nineball asks when Lou and Debbie finally join the six other women downstairs. Lou has on a fabric brace and metal finger splints and is pressing an icepack to her hand. 

“Lou punched someone while we were location scouting,” Debbie says with a dismissive wave. 

“Nice,” Constance whispers. 

“Everyone, this is Jessamine.” Debbie puts a light hand on her shoulder before motioning to the rest of the group. They all introduce themselves in turn. They mingle lightly.

“Take a few minutes everyone,” Debbie says, and waves Nineball over. 

“All going well, you two will be working closely together,” Debbie says, once she, Lou, Jess and Nineball are a slight distance away from the other women. 

“Leslie right?” Jess asks. 

Nineball scowls. “Who told you!” 

Jess raises a brow. “Constance?” 

Nineball turns around, “Connie! Stop telling people my name!” 

Constance whines woundedly at the use of the nickname. 

Nineball turns back to them, “Just Nineball, sweetie. Or Nine.” She cracks a grin, contagious enough to have Jess smiling too.

“What do you do?” Jess asks. 

“Hacker!” Nine replies, smirking. “Best one around— how ‘bout you?” 

Jess glances at Lou, still icing her hand. “I— I don’t know I’m a personal trainer…”

“She has testimonials from some very high brow clients,” Debbie says. 

“We’re going to be putting some other such people in her radar,” Lou adds.

“I like how this sounds already, can’t wait for your pitch, Ocean.” 

“Looking forward to it,” Debbie says, she and Lou step away, toward Tammy. 

“Take a little time to get to know each other,” Lou encourages, giving Jess a smile.

Nineball slings an arm around Jess’s shoulder, guiding them over to Constance who is skating back and forth parallel to the stage. “C’mon, lemme introduce you to Constance.” Nineball leans in, conspiratorily. “Call her  _ Connie _ and you’ll be in my good books, Sporty Girl.” 

Jess laughs and glances over at Lou one last time. 

Lou has her back to her, standing beside Debbie, speaking to Tammy together. 

“So what kind of hacking do you do?” Jess asks. 

“That’s a story that requires a meal and a blunt,” Nineball replies. 

“Oh—  _ whoa _ .”  

Nineball laughs. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, I would enjoy knowing what you enjoyed about this!
> 
> Find Runi on tumblr @ TALLDYKE
> 
> Find Lily on tumblr @QUAINTRELLELILY


	4. Just The Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jess and Nineball go out to eat and to get better acquainted with each other. Jess is upset about something, and goes to confront Lou and Debbie about it while the women are in Lou's appartment enjoying the thrill of a Friday evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The writing and ideas in this chapter were developed by Lily ( ao3 lilyhaze) with no input or help from other sources during its creation. This is a follow-up from the previous chapters which were written by Runi (ao3 melrosie). The OC Jessamine belongs to Lily and any ideas going forward also belong to and were created by Lily.
> 
> Comments and kudos will make my day and will be so appreciated!!!!

Jessamine and Nineball were sat in a pair of homely seats at some mediocre bar that marketed itself as marijuana-friendly, very much to Nineball’s approval. She was busy rolling a joint as Jess scanned the menu, not particularly hungry but not wanting to come off as too disinterested since Nine had insistently offered to pay (mostly because she could hack the system to be offered a viable discount).

Jess concluded that she didn’t really know what she wanted, couldn’t really think about anything but the spiralling thoughts in her mind that were still adjusting to the position she was in and the unknown of what is to come.

What help could she be of to Lou and Debbie, now?  
And, what were they concocting behind the scenes?

She figured it was too early in their friendship to ask Nine and left it on the back burner.

The corners of Nine’s lips twitch upwards. She subtly leans back in her chair, giving Jess a look that asks her if she minds. She sits comfortably, herself, with a naïve glass of soda poured from a fragile bottle disguising it as something more luxe than it really was.

“So, you’re some kind of occupational therapy queen?”

Jess lets out an airy laugh at the choice of words.

“You can say that,” she shrugs, even though she considered herself to be only as good as the others. “But that wasn’t my degree or anything.” Jess did not bother to explain. The loud music made it difficult to, anyway.

“Bet yr’real good at it. You look talented. Are you talented in anything?”

Jess thought. “Well, no. Don’t think so. My mom wanted me to be a piano prodigy but after years of lessons, I didn’t really learn anything,” she admitted honestly.

They both cracked a smile, Nineball tilting her chin to the ceiling to chuckle.

“Is hacking hard?”

“High key for the novices. Not quite for the rest…if they got what it takes; and there’s types of it. You’ll see.”

But anyone who knew Nineball knew that she was over slightly gifted in the tech department. If there was anyone who could prowl through the most hidden data files belonging to the CIA, Nineball could probably (and successfully) rise to the challenge with seamless precision; although she hoped Debbie would never ask her to dip feet in a situation as touch-and-go as that.

“Debs and Lou wanted me to show you some skills. Said you could use picking up some things for the job,” she continued, picking at a nacho chip slathered in cheese that lay in a platter amongst various condiments.

“What?”

Jessamine could be many things, but computer specifics were not her forte. She even recalled referring to herself as technologically inept in college.

“I’m not anything compared to you. I can’t do that.”

“Just front it ‘till you own that shit. It’s not like I’m going to make you the next ‘me’, okay? There can only be one,” said Nine, rolling her eyes but playfully. “Last I heard, those two wanted to make you good at a little bit of everything.”

“Like—good at everyone’s jobs?”

Jess was sure Nine had said something else through the smoke that shrouded them with the smell of Cannabis, but she had heard enough.

~_~_~

Lou leaned against the window pane that separated the balcony from the bedroom, taking a long drag on the remains of a cigarette which she methodically flicked over the railings and watched float lightly down towards concrete like flying sparks from an anvil. The atmosphere from above was stereotypically New York City – busy, colourful, and laced with the idiosyncratic nature that was distinctively lively Manhattan. It was perfectly complimentary to Lou’s personality, which seemed to go hand-in-hand with the loud, ritzy-scene that appreciated Glam Rock.

“I thought we’d agree on you having one a day.”

It was Debbie, stepping onto the balcony with two glasses of Blanc De Blancs in a long slip, the colour of noir. For a brief moment, Lou recalled the memory of the way a classmate had spontaneously decided to corner her after she was asked to stand outside of the teaching room when she was in high school. She remembered that day vividly for having sassed a teacher because of something that he did, gladly leaving the room, voluntary or not, head high, and with a painfully good excuse to not have to listen to him pathetically justify himself for being a disservice to the whole class. And Lou loved justice – used to completely seize it whenever the opportunity arose at school despite also loving to play devil’s advocate.

It was thus not much of a surprise when the other most rebellious girl in their year closed the gap between them so that she could place a lingering kiss to Lou’s lips, her thigh slowly grazing against Lou’s own underneath her gingham school skirt. Many years later, Lou observed that they – Debbie and that girl – shared the same quiet type of stealth.

“And how do you know this isn’t my one a day?”

Debbie snorted, unconvinced.

“I don’t always have to have one come night.” But she knew the point Debbie had made was legitimately to show that she cared.

“Here, I saved the bottle for us,” said Debbie, giving Lou’s hand a glass. It was accidentally met with the one in the brace.

If she felt pain in her fingers, Lou did not do anything to make it known. She swapped hands, leaning against the rail with her back to the world and her bad-hand folded underneath her chest.

Debbie peaked out, squinting at the sun.

“So, I’ve worked it out. We’ll have Jess run a few of our smaller jobs again until she’s back into the swing of things and has had a chance to exercise what she knows. The bigger job can wait. We need to find a location.”

Lou’s eyebrow stayed raised.

“Trust me, it’ll be good for her.”

“Deborah Ocean, do you mean to tell me you have that kid’s best interest at heart?”

It was a simple question with a simple answer, but Lou knew she had to question Debbie’s sense of morality.

“Well, if it helps with the job then it helps with the job. And she’s good, and she’s smart.”

Lou swept her hand through her hair, disarranging her bangs so they lay tousled at the sides of her forehead.

Smiling brilliantly, she raised her glass to toast with Debbie.

“To excellent ideas and recruits, may we always have them,” she mumbled in a voice as smooth as black coffee.

Debbie began to laugh, losing her thought process the longer she looked at Lou, a woman practically incised with magnificence.

Even magnificence didn’t seem to capture her effectively. The closest word she would use to describe Lou would be solitary, or abnormally independent, even self-possessed to the point it had become an aphrodisiac to her when Lou began to observe her with such soft, appreciating eyes, she could have swooned just seeing her stand there so characteristically calm. So damn herself. She could only wish she shared that trait.

Even the mere fact that Lou hadn’t done as much as renovate her apartment after their huge-cash draw was strikingly attractive to Debbie in the strangest ways. This woman – this tall, unapologetically herself – woman, was a lot less tantalised by money.

“You know, you should have just controlled your temper, so your hand didn’t end up that way.”

“Says the same woman who had to devise a plan behind a plan behind my back that’d throw her ex into the slammer.”

“Touché.”

She may be cold and aloof but beneath that shell she knew she was a romantic.

“I’ll make this one another success. Just you wait and see,” Debbie proclaimed as she walked back inside. The sound of the door shutting had caught her off-guard.

Lou set her glass aside and walked to the staircase.

“I trust you.”

And Debbie could only smile her love.

She didn’t have to stay. She knew Lou could be out on the road for months doing anything that she dreamed of, but she did. And she was in love with her for it and for a million reasons more.

~_~_~

Jessamine was just about to confront the two of them when she stood rock-still upon clashing with Lou’s icy-cerulean eyes, making her falter.

Tammy pat the seat next to her.

“Come sit down, sweetie,” she commanded softly with maternal affection, having no hesitancy that Jess was the youngest in the team.

Jess did so, slumping down where Nineball would usually sit. Little inspection had her realise that the others had left aside from Tammy and Constance who were in the midst of playing some kind of card game.

“Nine had to go see her sister,” she said, fiddling with the handle of her bag. Neither Lou nor Debbie had said anything yet, making it difficult to ignore the tug in her gut.

Debbie was the next to take a seat, Lou standing beside her with a cow-boy boot clad foot leaning on its toe.

“So, your name’s Jasmine but with Jessa instead of JAS?” Constance asked out of the blue. However, Jess had already opened her mouth to say otherwise.

“I didn’t realise you wanted me to do everyone’s jobs for them, Deb."

Debbie’s eyes showed little wavering emotion.

“You’ll have to be satisfactory in everything, but rest assured everyone will be keeping to their own line of work.”

“I don’t understand. Wasn’t I going to be doing what I did before?”

Tammy could sense the mild tension and allowed her posture begin to curl inwards, as opposed to Constance who stared wide-eyed. 

“You are and more. You can do it, Jessamine, we know what you’re capable of.”

“—And that means I have to learn how to hack now, does it, and steal?”

Jess sounds more upset than she did moments ago, but that does not stop Debbie from raising the volume of her voice.

“You can and you will, final.”

“BUT—”

“A little bit of everything…” Lou chips in.

“And I have to work while you devise the plan?”

“And, a little bit of everything just means you’d have to learn the bare minimum for the others’ jobs and carry out your own really well like you’ve always done.”

Oh. Jessamine felt silly, now. Hot-cheeked, silly, erratic. She was still kicking herself for revealing her true feelings to Lou just this morning, which was followed by a vow to never stoop so low in her pride ever again.

“Thank Lou for that, otherwise you’d have had to be responsible for finding the kind of clients we want at work by yourself. But, we have Daph for that.”

Jess gulps down guilt. In theory, she would have one of the easiest jobs to do if she was to simply do the work that she was used to and if Debbie and Lou could guide her on the rest, which she trusted in pure guardian-fashion.

“Jesus, I was about to tell you three to get a room,” Constance hollered for the entire world to hear, earning hard looks from the other women.

Jess glances at Lou from the corner of her eyes as she pulls down black aviators that would put Joe Jett to shame. For the first time, she has noticed something different about her.

“What happened to your hand?”


	5. The Ribs That Touched Our Lungs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Touches on depression and a lot of feelings. Jess converses with Lou and meets Daphne for the first time. Debbie finds out something about her ex-partner, Claude Becker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of a longer, un-edited chapter. Be warned. Hello friends. I'm extremely happy to learn this story is turning out better received than I thought. Your comments and kudos truly mean a lot to me. Reading the names of new users who seem to be interested brings me more joy than you think. I made this one slightly longer because I don't know when I will have the time to write again, what with the end of my degree nearing and a dissertation on the horizon. Needless to say, I hope you enjoy the product of my procrastination, today.
> 
> All types of feedback are welcome!

It happens very quickly.

She was still running.

One of the heels of her shoes must have gotten stuck somewhere because she was running home with one on only one foot.

There was a dire contrast between her cold body against the black, clear sky, and the warmth of her breath.

A gaggle of catcallers and gawkers idled by, voicing their sadistic curiosity. To distract herself, she thought about the way trees shed their leaves. They were so beautiful in the fall when they crumpled and fell from their branches – all pink and yellow hues – drowning the ground, walked over to-be.

Where were the stars?

 

-

 

Jess woke up against her bedsheets. 6am. But she doesn’t spend much time there; instead, quickly flipping her feet into her slippers to go and take a sip of water.

 

-

 

It’s 11am as she sits cross-legged on the floor in black jeans and a tank top, the silence of her rustic Manhattan apartment seeming to swallow her until water running from a can fills the space with a sort of peaceful euphony. She waters her Calathea, stroking it’s leaves lovingly, afterwards.

It had something undoubtedly to do with Mercury Retrograde. The disconcerting feeling in her body was strong and there to stay, for now.

She had to open the windows to take in a fresh breath of air, but even that didn’t get rid of the dread. It was going to be a long day, and Jessamine wondered whether the tight, knotted feeling in her chest could disappear in a matter of hours, or, if it would ever leave.

She needed to get out and leave her house. The confines of the walls were like a restraint placed on all of the energy that filled her body with a paradoxical restless lethargy. She needed to get out of her head. 

Months prior when evenings and many-a-night were spent at Lou’s place, a couple of instances had led her from the guest room into her and Debbie’s bedroom where she was welcomed with open arms.

She wasn’t entirely sure why, but each time found her on Lou’s side of the bed; curled on her side after having panicked over a nightmare or some other thought. Minutes later, however, without doing so much as lean a forehead on Lou’s back, a feeling of safety and security would wash over her, and she would fall asleep soundly.

Now, in the centre of her home, thumbs seem to ghost over the contacts in her phone, finding a few unread messages from friends which she wasn’t feeling quite ready to respond to. Her train of thought was robbed when she stopped on Lou’s number, not knowing exactly if a text would be a good idea but knowing the distraction would do her better than worse.

_\- Hey_

Jess regretted it immediately. Maybe Debbie and herself were still curled up in bed, listening to the Carpenters, or eating breakfast together--

_\- Meet us at the house today if you’re not busy._

_You can come now_

_\-       Okay_

 

-

 

Jess arrived promptly, met with a frantic Tammy who paced the room as Debbie and Lou bear witness to this usually calm, kept-together version of a woman behave extremely out-of-character.

“Fuck!” she exclaimed, throwing her hands into her hair. “And then that piece of shit threatened to take the children away just because I was the one who suggested the divorce? I can’t.”

“Of course, you can’t. We can pull a few strings. Try not to worry.”

“Yeah, watch him talk the talk but not walk the walk,” Lou added.

Tammy’s demeanour changed, an automatic habit of many in the presence of somebody with Lou’s exceptionally laid-back nature.

“Do you really think so?” she asked with a sort of naïve innocence.

Debbie gave her a soft look, running a hand from Tammy’s shoulder towards her hand where she stayed to hold it and gave it a squeeze of reassurance.

“We could deal with worse. He can’t take anything while you have us.”

Tammy let out a sigh of relief before raising her chest again.

“The children. Debs, I could really use someone to keep an eye on them so I could go do some paper-work back at home. Now, I know you don’t like children that much.”

“—I could watch over them.”

The three women turn to Jess who stood smiling earnestly at Tammy.

“I’ve babysat a lot of cousins, I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

What could it hurt?

“—Sold! Thank you so much, Jess. I’m so, so thankful. They’re in the car. I’ll get them now.”

Tammy rushed outside and Debbie gave Jess a curt little nod of approval. She was headed out, herself, so that she could pose as an administrative assistant of some sort. “A boring con to get the goods,” as she put it. Even Lou was estranged from the motives behind _this_ particular task and needed to stay home because Daphne was to arrive soon.

Tammy returned no longer than a minute later with two children, a boy and a girl of about three and five years of age, hauling a box of toys and puzzles which she began to unload onto the floor.

“Cayley. Derek. Be good for Lou and Jess. I’ll be back before you know it.” She bent down to kiss each of their foreheads, told them to contact her if absolutely anything was wrong, and then fled with Debbie seizing the opportunity to follow behind her; not before placing a quick peck to Lou’s lips when the children weren’t watching.

 

-

 

As it turned out, Tammy’s children were wonderfully behaved if not a little overly loud at times. And if Jess could successfully divide her attention between them both equally, they were as good as gold. Sometimes, Jess would wonder what being a parent was like.

“I want to play jigsaw.” Jess set the pieces up in front of them, helping them piece a few together until they didn’t need the shadowing of an adult.

Lou had retired somewhere in the house when she decided to reappear after about twenty minutes in new attire, sprawling on a chair behind Jess, Cayley, and Derek.

“I’m sorry for inviting you over like this. I didn’t know Tammy had plans.”

“Ah, it’s okay. I like being with them,” Jess admitted without turning around.

“Did you need me for something?”

Lou pretended to think, and Jess caught her rotating a cigarette in her hand as discreetly as possible, noticing her freeze up slightly and place it in the back pocket of her leather pants.

“I just could use the company. And, I bet you’re glad you aren’t me.”

Jess raised an eyebrow, looking over her shoulder, now.

“Why? You don’t seem to give a fuck about anything,” Jess whispered so the children couldn’t hear the F word.

“I was talking about not having a smoking habit.”

“Ah.”

There was a suffocating, awful silence and Jess was indebted to Derek for the noisy distraction.

When Jess was younger, television and the media romanticised sadness as if it was a growing trend. Jessamine always thought melancholy would be both epic and sorrowful, a thing for bards to sing throughout the ages. At the very least, not a pathetic, useless hole in the pit of one’s stomach.

“You look upset.”

“How could you tell?”

“It’s all over your eyes.”

Of course, she had no response. And Lou was definitely not a candidate for sharing personal pieces of information with when Jess knew she had already divulged too much.

“I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along. Eleanor Roosevelt. I believe whatever you’re going through has an end-point, kid.”

Jess tries for a smile until it wasn’t trying anymore; until a diminutive smile crept onto her face, one of those small cherished-like smiles that could melt a polar cap if it wanted to.

 

-

 

The door to Lou’s place swung open, followed by the noise of Debbie, Daphne, and Tammy’s sauntering heels on the wooden flooring.

“How’re my babies?”

Tammy’s two children ran towards her, giving her a hearty hug.

“Jailbird?”

It was Lou who noticed the blood drained from Debbie naturally deep-skinned face, but the brunette had just returned a huff in contempt.

“Something’s happened,” she stated, matter-of-factly.

Daphne Kluger flipped her hair behind her shoulders as if to command the attention back from Debbie. Having never met Jessamine, she did a double take of her and hung her mouth open, agape.

“Hey! I’m Jessamine,” Jess had greeted after having put the last unused toy into its box.

“You got a maid?”

Debbie shook her head and face-palmed so hard, the sound could have echoed.

“That’s our newest team member. I told you.”

“What? Oh. That one. Didn’t think she would be this young. Well, as long as she doesn’t snitch us out.”

“I’m not a snitch,” Jess defended.

Daphne shook her head.

“Well, I guess trust and time go hand in hand,” she smiled, simply.

Lou guffawed.

“You know, sarcasm is the lowest form of wit,” her raspy voice quipped right next to Daphne, catching her a bit off guard.

“Touchy.”

Daphne snorts and checks her nails to divert her attention onto something else.

Tammy holds her son and rocks him gently.

“You guys, I might head off soon. Der is getting sleepy and Cayley has swimming tomorrow morning.”

“I can give you a hand with the toy box if you like, Tammy.”

“That’s totally fine, Jess. I owe you a big one for today. I can manage.”

“Uh, has anyone forgotten I work around a tight schedule, here?”

It was Lou’s turn to stand slack-jawed.

“I wouldn’t hate to be the only Machiavellian, but you chose to be here, Kluger.”

Debbie threw a folder of documents onto a table with all the poise her personality commanded of her. Even the natural leader-tigress had a limit on the amount of energy she expended during a day; and she was exhausted, to say the least, not having the tolerance for Daphne’s surface-level banter or Lou’s incessant need to torture her while some asshole co-CEO was out there affiliating with a criminal. 

“I found out some big shot’s bailed Claude out of jail!”


	6. More Than Meets The Eye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, everyone! I know I said I wouldn't update for a while, but I guess I lied. 
> 
> I would really appreciate your feedback on this and if you could tell me to write about anything specific in the next chapter(s). You can contact me on my Tumblr @quaintrellelily or comment below. I'm open to all ideas and really am interested in knowing what my readers want more of. 
> 
> I'll make sure to get some more Lou and Jess one-to-one interactions in next time, but I hope you enjoy the little bit of information I provided about Jess' past towards the end of this chapter. Thank you so much for reading and I truly hope you enjoy this.

The playfully flippant atmosphere from moments ago had completely vanished, replaced with a palpable tension to them all. It was almost eerie to see the anxiety fall upon Debbie, which had settled long enough for her to release a sigh when nobody uttered a response. 

Claude? 

Who was that? And then it dawned on Jessamine exactly who he was, and the big job Lou and Debbie were constantly referring to – the job that made them set. 

“We’re not going to get into trouble, are we?” asked Jess. 

“No.” Lou’s voice was firm. Sure. “You’re obviously rooted now. He doesn’t even know where you live. Would he really be willing to play ‘who can throw who into the slammer faster’ even if he found you?” She raises an eyebrow at Debbie. 

“You don’t know how revengeful Claude can be!” Debbie snaps at no one in particular, taking aback the others. When Tammy felt agitated, she would express it in words and even actions, much to her mother in-law’s disproval when she knocked over a mosaic vase on a whim. When Debbie was forced to endure the same emotions, she was distant and quiet; plotting and self-effacing. It was like a cue for Lou to intervene. She always knew what to do when Debbie did not. 

Lou was not a gullible woman by any measure or form, but Debbie solemnly believed that this time was different because of the level at which she knew Claude James Becker. 

With practiced ease, Debbie’s ever-present guardian and shadow swooped in, a show case of hands to hold Debbie’s own. 

“I guess if worse comes to worse, we can move to Puerto Rico and change our names to our aliases.”

“Not without a fight though.” 

Lou and Debbie find themselves enwrapped in a familiar killer gaze, serving Debbie as a reminder that a part of her was always with Lou even when she was physically living out all those years with Claude. 

Jess finds that it was the same ‘look’ they shared the day she walked-out with no intention of coming back, a small, insidious pang of jealously planting itself in the centre of her chest and hurting. 

“Do you want me to tell the others?” Tammy asks and Debbie shrugs because all that mattered was having Lou by her side. 

“Did you get the name of the guy who bailed him out, because I could—” 

“First letter of first name. And no. It’s too risky,” says Debbie, cutting Daphne off. “Claude’s seen you. We need a new face.” 

Debbie’s eyes twinkle, a chaste grin growing on her lips. 

“Jess can meet him.”

Whatever attempt Jess made of hiding her uneasiness fell short. 

Debbie takes a step too close to Jess and into the light that reflected from the pendants hanging from the ceiling. 

“Don’t be shy,” she said, almost menacingly. “We just need answers to some questions. Little questions.” 

With no time to process the statement with three other eyes on her, Jessamine nods through the aurora borealis of the same pendants shining in her eyes. “Okay.” 

 

-

Lou and Debbie had casually managed to move away to the other side of the loft to discuss matters about Claude. Tammy had left to put her children to bed early, barely pulling them away from Jess but eventually leaving her and Daphne alone as Daphne waited for her chauffeur to arrive so he could slip her out safely.

Daphne kept a soft smile, one that was meek and did not quite translate into her movements. 

“So, did you recognise me?” 

Jess laughed.

“Of course. I practically grew up with The Monarchy Memoirs! Debbie never told me she knew you. You really haven’t changed,” said Jess. “It’s wild seeing you in person.” 

“You know what’s weird? People don’t usually react as much as I imagine. Like, I’m Daphne Kluger. Do normies even know how much this name is worth?” 

Jess laughed again, until she realised that Daphne’s posture was stiff. She was completely serious. 

“Oh, of course I didn’t mean people like you.” 

Jess blinked. 

“Like, am I losing popularity? Or is it just New York?”

“Tell me if I’m barking up the wrong tree, but isn’t it better to not be noticed?” 

“Uh, I didn’t work this hard for nothing, spend money for nothing. Walked past some third graders the other day and they didn’t even flinch. Why?” She said. 

“Some third graders don’t even know who Anne Frank is.” 

“Well, if you wanna be all logical…” 

“You don’t need attention to be noticed, Daphne.” 

Logically speaking, Jess was right. 

“You sound a lot like Lou.” 

Jess didn’t really know whether to thank her or scoff, or both. The sound of a notification from Daphne’s lap made the taller woman bounce to her feet. 

“Nice meeting you, Bess!” 

“Jess!” 

Wanting to go look for Lou and Debbie, Jess followed the slightly muffled voices coming from the kitchen. 

“The issue is that Claude always slinks around the bar where you punched that asshole. If she hadn’t told you about her harasser, you would have ever laid a finger on him and we wouldn’t have any unnecessary enemies to worry about.”

“We would have made enemies wherever we went. Not everyone forgets a face, and this isn’t the first time we X-lined a site.” 

“Okay then, Lou. You tell me where else Claude’ll go if it’s not to his cushy little gallery and the bar that is literally right next to it.”

Jess’ smile had morphed into a frown, utterly crestfallen as her arms, which were previously folded, fell limp to her sides. 

“You didn’t say you met him.” 

Both women blanch. 

“Jess, I--“ 

“Did you really?” 

“We didn’t want to tell you the truth because we didn’t want you to think about something so unimportant,” said Debbie. 

“But how, why?”

Her tone was soft, not argumentative or angry. 

“I barely heard your name. He bragged about it and touched some other woman who was serving him Smirnoff. And he--“Lou looked away, trying to recall the details, “talked about fondling a girl. She fit you. Said she wanted him to stop, and he was too drunk to listen.” 

Jess was quick to speak. 

“That…wasn’t him.” 

Debbie looked completely lost. 

“I did say he hurt me, yeah, but he also didn’t, really.”

-

Debbie was baffled, but confusion clouded Lou’s ability to respond the most. 

“I’ll tell you everything. You can ask and I’ll answer.” 

As per familiar Lou and Debbie fashion, the three women found themselves sat in a cosy spot of a Manhatten café because Lou was feeling a Ciroc summer colada. To her side, Debbie swirled white wine, sitting on the opposite seat from Jess. 

The drive there was rather quiet among them. Lou had since turned on the radio before resting an elbow on the door and one hand on the steering wheel as she hummed softly and in perfect tune to My Love by Cass Elliot.

Jess sat relaxed in the back seat, staring absentmindedly through the window as landscape passed by, streets packed to the brim with tourists. It was fascinating to people-watch, sometimes, examining the melee of colours entwine and form into new lots of people at every street-corner. There is definitely something about the way people move when they think no one is looking. 

-

Both Lou and Debbie mulled over the menu except for Jessamine. 

“What are you having?” Lou asks when Jess is taking her time. 

“A glass of water,” was her reply. 

A hint of a smile appears on Debbie’s face. 

“Do you want anything else? You can have the water too.” Lou says, low and amused. 

Jess shakes her head and smiles sadly. 

“I really want to know what happened. We’ve known you for three months and you disappeared for one of those, so I think we should know so we can avoid running into problems, later.” 

While Lou waved over a waitress and gave her their orders, Jessamine processes the information she would choose to share. 

“A lot of what happened was my fault, I think.” 

-

Jess was just a month shy of her 18th birthday when she got a job taking as a waitress at a small Vietnamese restaurant in Boston. Nerves ate her, in the beginning. It was not like she needed the money. She never did. It was more about her parents’ request of experience and anything was attractive on a CV. 

Being in a predominantly white neighbourhood, the restaurant did well for business but not amazing. It was especially quieter during the day, granting Jess some time to lose herself in a book or meddle around on her phone. 

“Knock knock.” 

She groaned in her head because of the disruption, eyes flicking upwards.

Standing in front of her was a man of average height in a tweed suit jacket and a giant wrist-watch, eyes big and blue, and kind. In his left hand, the restaurant menu. Jess rose to her feet. 

“No one at the door helped me with a seat.” 

“Right. Sorry about that.” 

She guided him to a table not too far away from where she was previously sat. 

“I know what I want to order, by the way.”

Jess took it and returned to her usual sitting area. 

“What are you reading there?” 

She put down her book. “A Street Car Named Desire, for my midterms.”

“You know, I do really love that play.”

“Don’t tell my friends, but I do too.” 

She didn’t expect them to make a connection, but what came after was an effortless companionship centred around discussions about life, love, poetry…anything Jess was able to learn from a man of solid forty years of age. Days turned into late evenings, and conversations at the restaurant became deliberate meet ups; some of which were out of town. 

“You just turned eighteen, girl,” her best friend reminded her as they cruised home together on their bikes, one warm summer’s evening. And while Jess may have been too young and stupid to favour a pragmatic type of relationship, all she knew was that life wasn’t boring and that anything too easy held zero thrill. 

“Hey, John!” 

“Jess. I didn’t know you were coming today.”

“It’s just such a pleasure being around you. Go ahead, do your thing. Pretend I’m not even here. Go.”

“The pleasure is all mine.”

John was also a liberal arts lecturer. On occasion, she appeared with mock papers in hand and glasses in another; looking impeccably polished and beautiful in his eyes. 

She was much more beautiful than his wife, Martha. 

Martha may have been stunning in her prime and a catch to many, all green-eyed innocence with red curls, and long, slender limbs that were the envy of many women her age, but to John, Jessamine was other-worldly.

“Is emotion a fundamental part of religion?”

Sometimes, he would deliberately ask a question for Jess to answer. 

It was a sweet exchange. 

Then one day, Jess was invited to pose as a student needing help with statistics so she could visit John at his home in the upper east side. 

“What do I say, again, that I came to get extra credits for a class I need to learn how to do stats for?” 

John held her chin with his fingers. 

“Exactly that.”

“Well, okay,” she reluctantly agreed before slipping inside. 

As imagined, his house was as typically upper middle class as could be. It was clean and rustic, complete with white painted floor boards and an outdoor pool that gently manoeuvred a beach ball in its centre. And the smell. The smell of freshly brewed coffee was seduction to her nose as she passed a table full of confectionaries, a woman in black slacks and an apron appearing in the foyer with a large, welcoming smile. 

“You must be Jess!” 

“Martha, right?” 

“Right,” she giggled. “I hope John’s said good things about me.” 

“Right.” 

The shrill laugh of a young boy carrying a toy truck filled the house as Jess soon came to learn was John’s twelve-year-old son. 

Martha nodded her head towards a girl in a lilac tennis skirt and a hoodie, possibly no more than three years younger than Jess. 

“And that’s Sarah, our own guitarist.” 

“Hey, Jess!” 

-

Jess sat idle, pushing back and forth the glass of water which she hadn’t yet drank with two limp fingers. She felt Lou and Debbie’s penetrating gaze on her, willing her to continue. The issue was she couldn’t. 

“Shall we go for a walk?” 

-

The three of them took their time walking as the sun set, the colour of blood red bromeliads in July. They decided to sit on a park bench with Jess in the middle. 

“Up until that point, it felt so right. I mean, the age gap never fazed me, and he was so fun to be around. Then I visited his family.”

Taking a breath of fresh air, Jess forced herself to recollect the rest. 

“And then my best friend said I had no conscience. Called me a homewrecker, then never spoke to me again.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, comments are always appreciated. 
> 
> Find Runi @ TALLDYKE on tumblr.
> 
> Find Lily @ QUAINTRELLELILY on tumblr.


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